Sunday, December 16, 2007

oh well.

have you ever feel like everything is against you and you can't seemed to get along with everyone, like a curse, or some force that keeps getting in the way.. i don't exactly know how to explain it, it just feels like i don't belong. i don't know if this is just the PMS talking, that i'm so friggin pissed at everyone, and i'm so friggin' sensitive and emotional, i feel like breaking down. see, i hadn't gotten my period this month, so i don't know. i just feel like i'm about to snap.. yah, something like that. You know, how people say; 'people like you are the reason people like me are being hospitalized'. ding.ding.ding. for a moment there, i really thought this is what i'm going through right now, i know, people are complicated creatures. and people are cruel, and people hurt other people, people disappoints you. So i don't have to feel guilty if i loose my cool, and go hoo haa crazy. or say hurtful things everytime other people push me to.. coz i certainly don't feel any guilt about it. Just a few days ago, i had a lot of anger inside and i don't know how to deal with that, i thought talking about it would be ok, and i really think it had been helpful on my part. But now, i don't know, no one seemed to change, nothing change not even the situation..i think it would be more effective to confront my anger on the person or people that were involved. well..i guess i should but i really don't wanna talk about it anymore. it's just exhausting, it doesn't really change anything.. the worse it could get is make my self suffer evenmore. and i don't wanna get angry anymore.. it's draining, exhausting, and just stupid. it just makes me sick and tired about everything...It's just weird sometimes, how everything seemed to be against you..and how it gets to you.. when you feel like youre the only one who feels this way, like no one seemed to understand what youre going through. and everytime you try to talk it out to someone, you end up being the bad guy.. And you ought to think some thing's gotta be wrong, i mean, yea, maybe some thing is just wrong with me.. maybe i'm just being paranoid, or just plain invisible that what ever it is i feel, doesn't matter.. because i'm like all alone against the world.. walang kakampi. I wasn't even going for that, i really don't need anyone's sympathy, i need someone who'll understand and who'll take my side, not because they feel they had to, nor for any other reason, but just because, they believed in me. But I guess that's just too much to ask for anyone. Oh well. You know what, i don't care anymore.. I get it now.. i'm just different. and maybe i'm hard to be around..And it used to always made me feel terrible about myself.. Fuck, i don't care anymore. i'd rather be all alone than try to be someone i'm not just to belong.. And i'd rather stick to what i believe in, than conform to the ways of the world. And i don't wanna think about fucking people who keeps fucking up my life, such a waste. i can't trust anyone. screw everyone. screw everyone in our house.. magsama sama kayong mga pangit. hehehe. screw everyone who hates me, i hate everyone equally. Screw all my problems... better yet, bring it on! i won't let anything get to me anymore. i'm invincible, and i kick ass. bou yah!!rawr!

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