Bad obssesion

We all fall for the bad guy. because the bad guy is the master of lies and deception.. we can't understand one's situation unless you're exactly in that same situation. Here's the thing, my best friend is going through stuff that i could only imagine half of it. Early today, she asked me to text his stupid and soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend to tell him she'd gone miserable without him. that she was no where to be found, and that she just informed me she had thought of killing herself..of course that was just a joke. she just wanna messed with the jerks head. Before this incident, she wanted to go to stupid guy's house or his office to make a scene..this one, she'd really consider, i just convinced her to think it over. Back to the evil chauvanist pig, he was the typical pinoy babaero, he has a wife, a kid, and my best friend is her other woman. you know how it's like..my best friend knows what she's gettin herself in when she decided to have a relationship with this guy. and we all know this isnt right, but let's not judge her for that, he loved the guy, she loves him so much, that she lost everything including practical and moral reasoning for this one..she'd been through a lot with this guy, she's taken a whole lot of sacrifice for him, he wanted her to build her world around him, he feeds her with lies and promises even when he knows he can't keep it..he's one controlling, immature, selfish, 49 yr old sex freak. he's an ass, and i never liked him. when he gets mad, he would say a lot of foul and hurtful things to my best friend, and at one point she admitted how he had hit her..they've broken up and then gotten back so many times already..and this wasn't the only time that i told her to quit it, and move on with her life. She's just blinded by this relationship that she's being all stupid. i can't blame her,as much as i want to hit her head with a bat or something hard so she could start using her brains and dump the asshat already. she's pragmatic. and her heart is just as stubborn as always..so being the best friend that i always was, i've been her shock absorber, her therapist, her shoulder to cry on since day one..but as it turns out, im not doing very good at it.. i'm not doing the right thing anymore..i, myself is just tolerating this behavior. i know she just wants to be understood..and i get her you know, i've been there, i know how it's like, i may not be the other woman, but i know how it feels like to be mistreated and be abused verbally, emotionally and physically. but she's gotta let it go. she's gotta get out of that situation before she's all too scared to do so..but no matter what i say or do, she's just too stubborn. i don't know what else to do. As far as our friendship is concerned, i know i've always been there no matter what.. but lately, i feel like i can't tolerate this bad relationship anymore.. Besides that she's being too desperate and too crazy..and she hates me when i tell her that. but she's turning into this obsessed and emotional bitch that i can't talk her out of it..she would hate him and all, but when he 'd call her, she would forgive him and let her in her life over again. Gawd..she's gotta stop already. i know she's realizing this one too..she just wont do it. and she knows it wont be easy, and she knows how i know this because i used to be in this sickening routine in a relationship ..breaking up and going back and doing the same mistakes over and over again.. and i've been obsessed with this bad behavior. i used to go on for hours talking about my stupid ex-boyfriend and how i wanted to strangle him and beat the douche bag to death. i hated him so bad that i actually wished bad things to happen to him. and yet i couldn't stop thinking about him. i didn't know exactly when, i finally get a hold of myself, and completely let everything go. i didn't know how i did it, i guess it would just happen. i just realize one day, how stupid i had been..I remember i went through the classic phase of confusion and paranoia after the relationship was over, you know-- like feeling hate and love at the same time..holding on and letting go at the same time.. moreover waking up every morning wondering about him and wishing he'd come back..or wishing one day i'll forget everything..i go about with my everyday life being haunted by his memories despite how bad it has been.and i used to like, justify his wrong doings and make it look like whatever happened, no matter how many times he cheated and lied to me, i know he loves me..So whenever he'd call, i'd forgive him, and accept him back, thinking one day he'd change. but he aint. he wont, and i guess he'll never will. And it's funny how are minds plays tricks on ourselves.. i thought i actually felt inferior to him and that i actually blame my self because of my shortcomings..i was a mess then. my stupid head, and my stubborn heart,such a messy combination.. i remember how we ended us. which is likely the closure i was expecting, we just never talked to each other anymore.. it's harder to be left hangin'..it's confusing, and as bitter as i used to be,I vaguely remember all the other things in between. when i decided i'd never wanna see him again..i started thinking straight, and think about myself.. i didn't wanna get involved with any of his ass kinds anymore. i don't want him anymore, i couldn't love a person like that. so, i changed my number, i changed everything in my life, i moved on with my single life naturally, so to speak..but it wasn't easy.. and certainly not fun to go through..but i did it..
Being in a bad relationship is hard and going through a bad break up is twice as hard..but you gotta start to think about yourself. you gotta stop letting people treat you any less than what you really deserve. it wont be hard to let go of someone who's become the biggest part of youre life, it wont be easy to start over and it wont be easy to forget all your wounds..but i guess after a while, you'll just get over it.. and you'll eventually get passed it..you see, time heals all wounds..and i hope to God that my best friend will finally realize that she deserves better and start acting on it so she could start healing her wounds.. and for the love of all that is holy, I pray that every bad guy in this world fall a flight of stairs and die painfully and slowly. bwehehehe!

xoxoxo

What‘s the saying whose the idiot, the idiot or the idiot who dates him.

Repleksyon

Life is funny sometimes and it can push you pretty hard...like when you fall in love with someone and they forget to love you back..
xoxoxo

Sometimes, i wonder, just how much a person can take and how much one heart can take. It's almost the end of the year,and as it turns out, life can push you pretty hard. this year has been a real struggle. like being lost some place and all you got is your stinking self, a crazy headache, an empty stomach and an empty pocket. And just as you thought you're at your worst, when suddenly you got hit by a bus, so bad, you went on a coma for months,and when you decided you still wanna live, you wake up, with one leg, one arm, and a deformed face. Aw..how do you supposed to go on with life this way? that's tough. and as much as you want to feel sorry for yourself, when you thought that's the worst that could happen? then you realized, like, OMG..you got no health insurance, and youre medical bills along with all the other bills are piling up..Oh darn Jesus..what now? oh well..what else can i say? but life is hard. and yea, maybe i was just making this things up, but it's not that far fetched that bad things seemed to have a way around. And sometimes, when you've got so much of this bad things going on, you're more prone to lose yourself in a way, because there's a lot of ugly feelings going on as much as you just wanna take it all in..And when you lose your way, you'll think that life is pushing you and pushing you so hard off the edge that you become the worst person that you are. I used to believed that my life sucks and because i think that it is, i found an excuse to be my worst self. but i know now, that this realization is kind of silly.. like i only drag my self deeper on this worst situation instead of trying to get myself out of it. it has never been easy for me to accept that i was doing everything wrong for the past God knows how many years because of this thinking. this year, just like last year and the year before that, and going back as far as i can remember.. life seemed to only get harder each year. This maybe true, but i know it's not fair to say that life is all that bad.. if it was, i really really thought that it wasn't entirely my own doing. And i realized how childish i must've been for not owning in to it. but it just seemed important that bad things has to happen to figure it out.. Now, i think that life is supposed to hurt a bit..like it was designed that people go through some of that pain, a little disappointments, a little mistake to find themselves. i've always been hopeful that somewhere between all my struggles, i'll find my way. there's gotta be something good that comes out of it..right? otherwise it's all meaningless...

xoxoxo

And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be...or lose that person completely.
Because, sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been. And remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you really are.

Mele kelikimaka to y'all!

The Christmas Story St. Luke 2: 1 – 14

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed.

(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David)

To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them at the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them; and they were sore afraid.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not; for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men

i believe i can fly.

.....rather jump! wehehe.

Panis si David Blaine sa levitation trick namen..oha. oha. Panis!!! hehehe.

Third Eye

Sigurado raw na mararamdaman mo kapag may multong malapit sa iyo. Tatayo ang balahibo sa batok mo... Biglang lalamig ang paligid... Iikot ang tiyan mo... Para kang biglang may kasama. May mararamdaman ka sa paligid mo kahit alam mong ikaw lang mag-isa.

Bata pa lang ako, matatakutin na ako. Takot ako sa dilim, humihina ako kapag mag-isa. Hindi ko rin kayang manood ng mga nakakatakot na palabas sa TV (gaya ng taunang November 1 special ng magandang gabi bayan), Ang palagay ko, bakit mo pagdaraanin ang sarili mo sa nakapanlalambot na hilakbot? Mas lalong ayokong makakita, o makaramdam, o makaengkwentro ng multo. Hindi ko yata kakayanin. Baka himatayin ako sa takot. ako lang talaga 'yun--- kulang sa tapang, liglig ng nerbiyos.

Hindi ko naiwan sa pagkabata ang takot ko sa dilim, at sa multo. Sa paglaki ko, nadagdagan pa nga ang mga takot ko--- tumaba, magka-cancer, bumagsak sa mga klase ko, at marami pang iba. Pero higit sa lahat ng mga ito, ang magmahal at masaktan. Natuklasan ko na hindi gaya ng takot ko sa mga multong ni hindi ko nga alam kung gawa sa hamog, o sa usok, o basta gawa lang ng imahinasyon ko--- mas nakapanghihina, mas nakapanghihilakbot pala ang magmahal at masaktan. Naranasan ko na iyon. Ang magmahal, mawalan, at halos mabaliw sa sakit. Nang mawala ka sa 'kin. para akong sira-ulong ayaw maniwala at ayaw tumanggap, parang praning na ipinipilit sa sariling "babalik siya.... babalik siya."

May mga namamatayan ng kapamilya o kaibigan na sa tindi ng pangungulila, hinihiling nila na magmulto ang namayapa na. Hindi na mahalaga kung kahibangan ito--- mabigyan lang ng kahit isa pang pagkakataon na makausap o masilayan man lang ang mahal sa buhay na inagaw na ng kamatayan.

Nang nawala ka, handa akong ibigay ang lahat, ang kahit ano, bumalik ka lang kahit sandali. Kahit sa anong paraan. kahit isang maikling text lang, o e-mail, o friendster message. Maramdaman ko lang na kahit tapos na ang lahat, mahalaga pa rin ako sa iyo. Pero walang dumating. Ni hindi ka man lang nagparamdam. Kahit na parang ritwal ko nang tinatawag ang pangalan mo gabi-gabi, wala. Wala ka na talaga. Naging mas madali nga ang pagtanggap sa pumanaw nating pagkakataon, pero kasabay nito, mas naging mapait naman ang aking pag-aayuno.

Tuloy ang buhay. Kailangan e. Natuto akong magmahal ng iba at unti-unti ring nawala ang lungkot. Naniniwala rin naman akong mayroon akong karapatang maging masaya, at mas gusto kong ngumiti kaysa umiyak. Nariyan naman ang ala-ala mo, nariyan ang pag-ibig na kahit kailan ay hindi ko na maibibigay sa iba bukod sa iyo. Pero sabi nga ng idol kong si Sharon Cuneta, "once you love someone, you never stop loving them. you just love them in newer ways." (mula sa "kung ako na lang sana"). Habang nagmamahal ako ng bagong pag-ibig, patuloy pa rin kitang minamahal. Alam ko iyan. Naroon na rin siguro ang kaalamang dahil patay na nga ang panahon natin sa paningin ni kupido, hindi ko na kailangan buhayin pa ang sakit. Tanggap ko na. Paminsan minsan nga, dinadalaw pa ng diwa ko ang mga nakakalat na lapida ng ating nakaraan. Kapag nakakarating ako sa mga lugar na noo'y nakasama kita, kapag naririnig ko ang mga awit na pinili ko para sa 'ting dalawa--- para na rin akong nagtitirik ng kandila at nag-aalay ng bulaklak sa ala-ala mo.

Hanggang sa nagmulto ka. Pakshit.

Ang sabi nila, hindi tumatawid sa kabilang buhay ang mga espiritung may mga hindi pa tapos na misyon sa mundong ito. Pakiramdam nila, may mga transaksyon pa sila sa kanilang buhay na kailangang isara at maisakatuparan. Ang iba nga raw, hindi pa tanggap na patay na sila kaya ayaw pa umalis. palutang-lutang sila, patuloy ang "buhay", ginagawa pa rin ang mga pinagkakaabalahan nila noon. Ang iba naman, sadyang naghahasik ng takot at pangamba. Sadyang gustong makarinig ng mga tili at makakita ng nasindak na mga mukha habang nagsasabog sila ng lagim.

Simpleng text lang, umikot ang mundo ko. Hindi ko alam kung magdiriwang ako o manlulumo. Nakakatuwang nakakatakot e. Sa tagal ng panahon na hinintay kong maramdaman ka, hanggang sa nalimutan ko na nga kung bakit, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang reaksyon ko. Pero, napatunayan ko noon na totoo pala: kapag minulto ka, tatayo ang balahibo sa batok mo, manlalamig ka, iikot ang tiyan mo, at sigurado ka sa presensiya ng multo sa paligid mo. "Nabuhay" kang muli sa mundo ko. Lagi ka na namang nariyan sa haraya ko. Pa’no, dumalas ka mag-text, tumatawag ka pa, paminsan minsan nagkakape pa tayo’t tumatawa habang nilulunod ang ating mga sarili sa venti mocha frap with mint syrup. Matagal na panahon akong nangulila sa iyo, kaya ang saya saya saya ko sa tuwing nariyan ka. Kahit paminsan-minsan. Kahit paunti-unti. Dahil nga mahal naman kita, tinanggap ko ang pagmumulto mo. Sabi ko, wala naman sigurong masama, pakiramdam ko pa nga ang tapang ko. Hinayaan ko nang bukas ang third eye ng puso ko. Lubos na sana ang magiging kasiyahan ko kung tuluyan ang iyong pagbabalik... pero lagi ka rin namang nawawala. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ginagawa niyong mga multo iyon, parang gustong gusto niyong nagpaparamdam, manggugulat, tapos mawawala naman. Hindi ka naman nagtatagal sa mga dahilang ikaw lang ang nakaaalam. Noong simula hinihintay pa kita lagi, pero nakakapagod rin. Mahirap pala 'yun. Mahirap pala magmahal ng kaluluwa--- hindi kita mahawakan, hindi kita mayakap, hindi kita mahalikan. Malamig na hangin na lang ba talaga ang magiging katumbas ng pag-ibig ko?

Para sa mga taong may kakayahang makakita ng mga espiritu at ibang nilalang, wala raw ibang mas maiging gawin kundi tanggapin ito. Sumpa man o biyaya, hindi na mahalaga. May dahilan lahat ng bagay sa mundo. Baka nga paraan na rin ng Diyos na buksan ang ikatlong mata't ikaanim na pandama ng ilang tao sa mundo... mabigyan man lamang ng pagkakataon ang mga alagad ng kabilang buhay na marinig at maintindihan.

Mahal pa rin kita. Pakiramdam ko, alam mo naman iyon e, kaya ka nga matapang magmulto. Pero magkaiba na tayo ng mundo, marami nang nagbago. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangan mong magparamdam gayong wala ka na rin namang kayang gawin na paraan upang tuluyang magbalik, upang muling mabuhay sa mundo ko. Nang-aasar ka lang ba talaga sa pagdalaw mo? Kung hindi, ano ba ang "unfinished business" mo? Ano bang maitutulong ko? Sapat na ba sa iyo ang ganito--- ang mahalin natin ang isa't isa sa magkabilang mundo, sa magkaibang paraan? Iyon lang kasi ang maibibigay ko. At alam ko... hanggang du'n lang rin ang kaya mo. Patuloy na tatakbo ang buhay ko. At sa tuwing mumultuhin mo ako, ngingiti na lang ako. Oo, tatayo pa rin ang mga balahibo ko sa batok, manlalamig at iikot pa rin ang tiyan ko... Pero hindi na ako matatakot.

Hindi ka totoo.

xxstaRrxx

Go baguio! phone pics.

;)here's some pretty cool shots from my phone.

@ minesview.. coolness huh? ---->>















@ burnham park.


lighting is a little off.
we were like paddling all over each other racing our way to sm baguio wehehehe. on the other side.

the view from hotel veniz...>>>

.moi&rowch.

para lang kame nasa u.S? lockheed: Grand Canyon?? hehehe.

moi.rowch.jean
i love this shot....

Say goodbye to stress..hello relak-relak

Techniques on how to relax:

• Pick a personal focus word, sound, prayer or personal phrase. for example, "peace" "one" or "the Lord is my shepherd."
• Sit comfortably in a quiet place.
• Close your eyes.
• Progressively relax muscles from feet to neck.
• Breathe slowly and naturally, and as you do, say your focus word, sound, phrase, or prayer silently to yourself as you exhale.
• Assume a passive attitude and don't worry about how well you're doing. When other thoughts come to mind, simply say to yourself, "oh, well." and gently return to your repetition.
• Continue for 10 to 20 minutes. Time yourself by peeking occasionally at a watch or clock.
• When you are finished, continue sitting quietly for a minute or so, gradually allowing other thoughts to return. Then open your eyes and sit for another minute before rising.
• Practice the technique once or twice daily. Good times to do so are before breakfast and before dinner.
  

xoxoxoxoxo

oh well.

have you ever feel like everything is against you and you can't seemed to get along with everyone, like a curse, or some force that keeps getting in the way.. i don't exactly know how to explain it, it just feels like i don't belong. i don't know if this is just the PMS talking, that i'm so friggin pissed at everyone, and i'm so friggin' sensitive and emotional, i feel like breaking down. see, i hadn't gotten my period this month, so i don't know. i just feel like i'm about to snap.. yah, something like that. You know, how people say; 'people like you are the reason people like me are being hospitalized'. ding.ding.ding. for a moment there, i really thought this is what i'm going through right now, i know, people are complicated creatures. and people are cruel, and people hurt other people, people disappoints you. So i don't have to feel guilty if i loose my cool, and go hoo haa crazy. or say hurtful things everytime other people push me to.. coz i certainly don't feel any guilt about it. Just a few days ago, i had a lot of anger inside and i don't know how to deal with that, i thought talking about it would be ok, and i really think it had been helpful on my part. But now, i don't know, no one seemed to change, nothing change not even the situation..i think it would be more effective to confront my anger on the person or people that were involved. well..i guess i should but i really don't wanna talk about it anymore. it's just exhausting, it doesn't really change anything.. the worse it could get is make my self suffer evenmore. and i don't wanna get angry anymore.. it's draining, exhausting, and just stupid. it just makes me sick and tired about everything...It's just weird sometimes, how everything seemed to be against you..and how it gets to you.. when you feel like youre the only one who feels this way, like no one seemed to understand what youre going through. and everytime you try to talk it out to someone, you end up being the bad guy.. And you ought to think some thing's gotta be wrong, i mean, yea, maybe some thing is just wrong with me.. maybe i'm just being paranoid, or just plain invisible that what ever it is i feel, doesn't matter.. because i'm like all alone against the world.. walang kakampi. I wasn't even going for that, i really don't need anyone's sympathy, i need someone who'll understand and who'll take my side, not because they feel they had to, nor for any other reason, but just because, they believed in me. But I guess that's just too much to ask for anyone. Oh well. You know what, i don't care anymore.. I get it now.. i'm just different. and maybe i'm hard to be around..And it used to always made me feel terrible about myself.. Fuck, i don't care anymore. i'd rather be all alone than try to be someone i'm not just to belong.. And i'd rather stick to what i believe in, than conform to the ways of the world. And i don't wanna think about fucking people who keeps fucking up my life, such a waste. i can't trust anyone. screw everyone. screw everyone in our house.. magsama sama kayong mga pangit. hehehe. screw everyone who hates me, i hate everyone equally. Screw all my problems... better yet, bring it on! i won't let anything get to me anymore. i'm invincible, and i kick ass. bou yah!!rawr!

Go Baguio!

helloOo.... welcome back to my life.

I just got back from Baguio City.. that's right, the city of pines and the place for best buys of ukay ukays.. i've got lots to tell about the trip, i so loOve the city..and i hate that i'm back in manila already..ugh.. Ang ineeettt lang dito!!! i miss the sunny weather and the cold fresh air of Baguio..Azar, sobrang nakakabitin, two days lang kame nakapagstay dun.. super tight kase ng schedule ng event namen for MJ. We drove off monday night, malupet din si kuya driver..hataw eh, it took us about 4 hours lang to get there. We arrived at hotel veniz early dawn. Tulog konti, woke up early tuesday morning, had buffet breakfast at the hotel, then went sight seeing. Sobrang rush lang everything.. gahol kase sa oras lalo na nung nag-ukay kame, di na ko mashado nakaikot, kase may event pa kame sa gabi..but it was all good, didn't have enough cash din naman to indulge myself of such cheap thrills. kahet sobrang tawad pa, la talaga ko kadatungan..AzAr! Anyway.. 4pm, we went back to the hotel, the PA's went straight to the function room to do the set up for our event in the evening while us, the girls, went to our room to freshen up.. i got called earlier than the usual kase sobrang aga din dumating yung mga participants.. The event went well. i suppose. We finished up early, so we still have the rest of the evening to go out. Super madali din kame mahabol yung night market, but it was already pass ten, so para lang kameng gagong nagiikot sa session road. I love it though, para kameng nasa time square, everything was so lively and noisy and the city seemed busy that night..the weather is so cold, we were all suited with scarfs and stuff..oha! taray!! hehehe. then we went to Giligans to hang out. some of the boys had other plans of a night out.. As usual.. dun sila sa aliwan..hhahaha.. anyhow.. saya din nung gabi namen.. just hanging out, pigging out and drinking the night away.. kaso sobrang nasanay yata kame sa kakamadali, sobrang bilis din namen uminom..habol parin ng oras para makatulog coz we were supposed to leave early for Bulacan.. but we were all friggin' biten pa sa inuman..so we just decided na lang sa hotel pagpatuloy ang session..we dropped by the liquor store, bought a bottle of goldschlager..and the rest is history..wehehehe...

oh well....i had so much fun during our stay, super.. walang ka-stress stress.. Saya lang.. Super saya sa Baguio!!! i didn't have the pics uploaded yet but i promise to post 'em soon...abangan nalang.. ahihi.

anyway

cloudy day

isn't this breathtaking or what. i use my phone to take this picture during our event @ island cove.. i wanted to capture the reflection of the sunset on the water, but it didn't come out like it was supposed to..hehe.

i think i want to pursue photography just as much as i want to write. ambitious? i know.. i can't even write one meaningful post..and i can't afford to buy a digital cam.. oh well. at least today, i got some pics to share to ye all. nuninuninuni

this is the set up of the event we had for Mead Johnsons.

and a bunch of bamboo sticks.

this shot is supposed to capture the skyline between the buildings. took this while inside a moving van.

..and there's the traffic.
la lang.. walang wentang blog update. lol

xxxxxxxxxx
maybe sometimes it takes a complete emotional meltdown to kinda build yourself up..

Oh crap!

We all go through different walks in life. and sometimes, when you think youre walking safely, when all of a sudden you stumble and fall into a pit that which you can't seemed to escape. You try to get up, and climb up, but you can't find anything to hold on to..so you keep dropping and slipping along the way. It's exhausting, tiring and frustrating.. the harder you struggle, the deeper you fall..the darker the whole place gets. It's hard to know when you can't see in the dark..you can only smell your own fear and desperation..it's unbearable. How does anyone escape this place?

the things that make you say ewwwwwww.

oh, men..sometimes you' really are disgusting.. lol

The F-word

After the whole literary combustion on the anger part, i'm so feelin' good right now, i figured i should do that more often. Talking about being angry and how angry i am for a lot of reasons does help lessen the stress factors of my everyday shitty life.. Blogging is certainly cheaper than therapy.. i think everyone should create a blog, it's another way to make the world a better place.
err..what evurr. anyway, today i declare myself an official blogger, well, maybe not according to the whole blog land standards, but officially, my life is now an open book for the whole cyber space..oh well. who kerrs. hahaha. im gonna try to update often, and hope to God that my thoughts wont screw me over and may He grant me the wisdom to find better and meaningful thoughts to blog about.. woot. woot.

Moving on..

OH MY GOODNESS.


Speaking of better and meaningful thoughts--the F-word. Yea, that's right. the F-word..meaning farting, flatus, or just plain old Fart..and here's the funniest thing, i don't know if any of you have already heard of poozlefarting? P*SSyfart that is. As much as i hate to admit as a woman, we are prone to such embarrassment that i would rather not share on this blog. the video above will just explain everything.hehe. carrying on..farting is just hysterical.. it's funny alright, but sometimes it's hard to laugh and gag at the same time. my sister probably has the most offensive smelly fart. i say offensive, kase sobrang bantot talaga. wala kaseng tunog yung fart nya, and she'd hold it in her hand and shove it up to your face, when you're least aware, and i swear, nakakahimatay ang amoy nya..i've always hated her for doing that..disgusting and rude. hehe. one time, sa MRT naman kame, hindi naman ganon ka-crowded, but it was still a close space,she pass out the most disgusting smelliest gas ever,that i instantly recognize it was hers, i look at her embarrassed and she was like deadma lang, grabe lahat ng tao dun sa pwesto namen, asar sa bantot ng utot nya. deadma parin sya.hahaha.. kung sabagay, kanya-kanyang turuan naman yung mga tao dun, ako lang nakakaalam na sya talaga yun..sobrang alam na alam ko na amoy ng utot nya eh.hahaha..oh well, i myself have serious problems with farting. ututin din kase ko,hahaha. natawa naman ako sa sinabi ko. i don't know if being a smoker has anything to do with that,para kaseng di ako nauubusan ng hangin sa tyan.hehe. pero sa totoo lang, wala naman amoy yung aken eh..lol.

anyhow..
here's more farting videos..LMAO.

DRIVE BY FARTING.




that's all for now folks.
if you have any farting funnies to share, feel free to drop a comment..

xoxo

dear fuckers......me so angry

*Warning: Profanity ahead.*


..i wanna meet faced to faced with this wild beast inside of me. It took me real long while to get this fucker figured out. As it turns out,i have a tendency to be emotional and irrational at once. I'm not very good in expressing myself, especially my anger.. normally, in person, you can say that i'm a hypocrite,or a tupperware, or Plastik..whatever you wanna call it, when you try to put on a smile, and pretend that everything's fine.. im just not good at confrontations. heck, i'm not very good at facing or handling problems, when im angry inside, i would usually just try to ignore it or brushed it aside..so by suppressing things inside, i harbor heavier feelings that is usually followed by a heavier sigh. it would look like i was trying hard to be patient, or tolerating when i'm really not.. So when i've had too much, i just snap.. i know it's not healthy to keep bad feelings inside, that's why im thankful for the internet and the blog gods for the space which i could get this anger off my chest.. i've already realized as a grown up that i haven't really grown much..because i still don't know how to face or handle my own problems..im not very good in dealing with life's challenges..life screws me all the time. And people do have a way of screwing you overtime..and the fact that im such a screw up, i really don't have to deal with mother fuckers who is constantly making me feel less of a person than i already am. So screw ye all if you find me insignificant like a mean little twerp that im gonna be...but i'm so over trying to please everyone.. im-a get this off my chest for fuck sakes.. So.. yea, i hate my world. I personally don't like what's happening around my world. I hate my life. and the fuckers in my life. i hate that i am single and unemployed. technically, because doing part-time slave work for my fucker friends doesn't really count as a real stable job. God knows i've had too much of kissin asses and abusive talks behind my back. and having a boyfriend who lacks the ability to provide for my needs except maybe for the occasional mindblowing sex--i sure can't complain, still, i've got one unhappy and unfulfilled screw-you-over written all over my forehead.. but i don't completely hate this fuckers..at least not personally, i think i've had enough to deal with,with my own self,that i couldn't stand to be around another royal pain..i particularly cant stand those selfish, insensitive, manipulative and abusive fuckers.. and it makes me angry that i couldn't do or say anything about it..the world is full of this kind of fuckers that i'd rather just wanna shoot myself dead, These Fuckers who borrows money and for lack of better memory forgotten to pay you back. Fuckers who remembers you when trouble calls for it, and when they needed you for whatever use they could get. but when you're in need of one, suddenly every other fuckers seemed to have a million things going on..Fuck that. and if youre this lucky, there are always motha fuckers who will lie to your face just to get what they want, and fuckers who will step on you, acting like bigger fuckheads, like they are better than anyone. Well..Fuck you. Grow the fuck up you stupid fucking fucker.. treating other people like they're small won't make your dick bigger..And why do i put up with this fuck heads? i honestly didn't have to..but the damage is done..and there's no escaping the fact that i got screwed over by people closest to me..and i swear to God i wouldn't let another fucking fucker fuck me over ever again.. fuck you all back! i have enough to carry around beside my own fucked up personality..including all the fuckers in the house. see, my mom seem to have this i-dont-mind-being-screwed-so-screw-me-really-hard written on her forehead..and i don't get her sometimes. maybe because she just have a gigantic heart, and mine is broken to pieces. My mom is so kind, so understanding, that even if people are abusing her, manipulating and using her, she's capable of letting it go. she would do and give everything to almost anyone who would ask for anything..most especially with her brothers and sisters..and sometimes i hate her for that.. how more stupid does she need to get before she'l realize that these suckers will never change. you know how people say, 'if only we can choose our relatives'?..Fuck,i would.. If only i could.. demmit..Arghh.. but i guess if you look at the bright side, it's really not that bad..at least, i didn't have to be around these suckers everyday..and when you think you had the worst, well, there's my sister, who lives with me and who is a royal pain. and i deal with her stubborn ass every fuckin day..not to mention two of my cousins who were the two-faced backstabbing useless motha fuckers ever..(also lives with me btw.) and an overly dramatic old fart who is btw, my grandmother..the royal of all royal pains..These are pretty much the mother fuckers who's fucking my life up every fuckin day..So,Fuck you all back! there!! i'm sure getting it off my chest will make things feel lighter. if it would make them perkier i would tell everyone all of my secrets..but that's enough for now..
today, i hate my life.. i hate the world.. so now, i'm the bad guy huh? well..sue me!!!

the famous Pricasso.

..Read -->this. it's friggin' unbelievable.. Apparently this guy's beaver is cleaver enough to paint portraits and landscapes.. yea, isn't that friggin' awesome? in case you wanna see lap taffy in action?--> watch this.

u gotta be shittin' me?

God who created the world, with six billion people..Probably have created millions of other planets with billions of other people in it who needs more attention than you are...you could only hope God will spare you the time...

kamusta

Alas kwatro na ng madaling araw pero gising na gising pa ko ng ala-ala mo..nakakabingi ang katahimikan sa paligid ko, ang weird lang, sa mga oras na to, ramdam ko ang presensya mo na binuo ng imahinasyon ko.. Shanga pala, kakarating ko lang. medyo nakainom eh wala lang, libre sayang naman. naalala naman kita. ang hilig mo din sa inumang libre dati. sinasabay mo nga ang schedule ng mga date naten sa berdeyan ng mga kakilala mo para libre na din pagkain at celebration naten. Bilib din ako sa abilidad mo magtipid..masaya din eh..Wala lang, naalala lang kita.

......kamusta? Anak ng pating. Nabigla yata ako. Nasent ko ba? fuck.

Kamusta?
message details:
To: Happy
(o906-toot)
Sent: 12:59:57
4-Dec-2007

..ano un? pakshet! san galeng yun.. pasensya na kung nabulabog kita.. peste di ko din alam kung bakit. hahara-hara kasi pangalan mo sa phonebook ko..hindi naman kita namimiss. sa totoo lang, ang laki parin ng inis ko syo..oh well. naisip lang talaga kita..hindi ko na ide-deny. at hanggang ngayon naiisip ko parin ang kawalanghiyaan na ginawa mo saken..etchuz. hahhaa..ilang taon na bang nakalipas? pakiramdam ko parang kelan lang..pero alam kong sobrang tagal nang tinapos ni kupido ang pagibig na sinumpa ng kamalasan..lol. Nakalagpas na din naman ako sa stage ng pagiging bitter sa mga nangyari.. ngayon, magkaiba na tyo ng mundo, alam ko yun, naisip lang talaga kita ngayon. walang malisya..(churva) hehehe..

kinabukasan..aba at nagreply ka.."Cnu to?" nacurious ka naman kung sino nangumusta syo..mahalaga pa ba yun? shempre hindi na kita sinagot. mabuti na yung ganito, kanya-kanya na tayo ng mundo..pero sa reply mong yun, medyo nawindang naman ang mundo ko..hindi ako napakali, parang trumpo..tulad ng minsan sinilip mo ang friendster ko..anak ng, after ilang buwan kong nagintay, at nangarap at nagdasal na sana, sana, kahet sa anu mang paraan magparamdam ka, mapatunayan ko lang sa sarili ko kahit panu, naaalala mo din ako..aba, sana naman nagiwan ka narin ng message. hehehe. kung sabagay parang mahirap na din para saken ang gawin yun..naisip ko din magpakilala at sagutin yung reply mo..pero, buti na lang, napigilan ko pa sarili ko..wala na din naman siguro tayong mapaguusapan pa, hanggang kamustahan na lang..aminin ko man curious din ako sa mundo mo ngayon..hanggang dun na lang siguro..hindi pa ko handang makipagkaibigan syo. Hindi ako galit, kesehodang wala kang kerr dun, bakit naman ako magagalit eka nga, isa din naman akong walanghiya. Tuwing naiisip kita, naiisip ko lang kung ano ang naging silbe mo sa buhay ko bakit nakilala pa kita, kung bakit naging tayo pa. Parang kang bagyong dumaan, at nagiwan ng matinding katastropiya sa puso ko, at kahet naayos ko man ang sarili ko,pagtapos ng bagyo, andon parin ang alaala ng pagsira mo.nakana.. anyway..masaya ka naman ba sa buhay mo? sana masaya ka, ako minsan masaya, minsan, bwisit parin sa mundo..alam mo na yun. hindi naman pwedeng lageng masaya diba. Alam mo bang paminsan minsan sinisilip ko friendster mo, kahet nakaprivate profile ka, 'the search is over' naks naman na mga tirada yan. putcha, sana naman, mag-update ka ng piktyur..wala lang, gusto ko lang makita itsura mo ngayon..hehehe.. paminsan minsan may nasasagap din akong balita, shempre, naging kaibigan ko rin mga kaibigan mo..minsan nagtatanong din ako, pero madalas, iniiwasan ko na din na malaman pa kung ano pa man ang nangyayari sa buhay mo.. hay..wala na kong masabi.. ingats! so panu,kamusta na lang?

you sir, are an ass

6 billion people in the world; and i have to put up with an ass hat like you. demmit.


Thursday afternoon, while Trillianes decided to get the nations attention, i was rushing through the traffic not to mention it was raining nonstop..i was on the way to Mbc where our events team would meet up for an event in Nueva Ecija. I was 15 minutes away, probably another 15 minutes late our call-time. I decided to call the assistant production manager to informed him i was on the way.. He told me not to bother going..coz they were on the way to N.E already, pasensyahan na lang, walang intayan.. walang personalan toh, trabaho lang, kase maiipit kame kung intayin ka pa namen. That was fine alright. i admit it was my fault, i could've took off earlier if i had known i would get caught in the fucking traffic..but they could've called me, or texted me the least, so i' fucking know what's goin on. My job may not be as important as the Manager, or with the talents who so often are late on most occasion..and considering, i was part of the team. I expect that, at least, they could've informed me before they went on. I was sorry i was late, and i wouldn't ask them to wait if i couldn't infact be there on time, if i didn't call, i wouldn't know that they had left already.. i was pissed at the fact that no one informed me. and it happened again yesterday. We had a scheduled event in manila, and supposedly after manila, we'll go straight to Dagupan for the next day's event. i had my things ready and packed. I brought them all at the venue in manila, when i got there, i found out that the Dagupan tripped was canceled and i wasn't informed earlier. eh di muka na naman akong tanga, dami kong bitbit hindi naman pala tuloy un trip. Azar diba, considering i had canceled whatever plans i had the next day prior to the event.. kakapikon lang.. Going about what happened including all the other stuff in between, it daunts to me, that i was as insignificant as a viral infection that's been giving me the sneeze rough time.. i've never felt so out of place and out of space in a huge fancy restaurant, with people, who's it. and who' aren't. Although there were familiar faces, friends, colleagues, and so on, It felt like i was utterly out of my comfort zone..it felt awful and lonely. It didn't really matter however i feel..i just didn't matter so to speak. And just being singled out as an underachiever in a dog-eat-dog world, made it all perfectly clear. it was almost like i was trying hard to be part of this world. it looks like i was trying hard.,but i don't exactly remember having chosen to be part of this awful mean place. So why am i here? Putting aside how much slave labor for slave wages i've gotten myself into..these familiar faces are my friends..or at least i'd like to think that. and maybe they've helped me get into this business..but hell, i sure work my ass off to pay my own bills. i deserved to be treated if not more as any of the bosses i have, at least as a person who is doing her job the best she can..

i've had encountered in more than one occasion being treated any less..but i still stuck around. I really don't want to think that i am a people pleaser. Heck, i really don't care what people think of me, although sometimes, silent words,.when spoken loudly (especially when it's not really what you needed to hear) in your face, kinda hurt my feelings..i know i didn't have to put up with situations like this or with ass hats like whoever, but i stuck around either way because where else should i be?if i wouldn't be here, where will i be? i really didn't need to prove myself to anyone.. I am here to prove myself. that i am deserving to be here. Maybe everyone are hungry for who's better than who..And i have nothing against that people or with those successful people, the achievers, or the rich and the famous alike. i don't take it against them, they work hard for it..they deserve it, but that doesn't mean they are better than the rest.
This isn't really about friends or work or the status of a person..it's about people. the person itself for who they really are. People are used to judging people for what they say, or do, or for what they've achieved.. i really don't understand how others can treat people like they don't matter..why? do they even know who they really are. I am likewise guilty for judging others by theyre looks, or they're status, or for what they do..but does it mean i am allowed to say ‘ugly’ or am I supposed to say at least,‘visually offensive’ for the sake of being politely rude. I mean, do we really have to be so friggin' insensitive to speak our mind because hell, at least, im not as ugly as the person next to me...duh. i hope you get the point.. Reality bites hard, and life isn't fair..but a little compassion won't hurt a bit. People are already hurting..People are suffering..the least a person can do is to be sensitive enough to care..and to treat others with the same respect as everyone deserves.


xxxxxxxxxx
Words and hearts should be handled with care for words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest things to repair.

the filthy stinking truth

..no one dies a virgin...life screws us all..!

~*~*~*~

If Life is a game...these are the rules:

1. You will receive a body.
-You may like or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.

2. You will learn lessons.
-You are enrolled in a full time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lesson or think them as irrelevant or stupid.

3. There are no mistakes. only lessons.
-Growth is a process of trial and error experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process of experiment that ultimately "works".

4. A lesson is repeated until learned.
-A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end.
-There is not a part of life that does not contain its lesson. if you are alive there are lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better than "here".
-When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will, again look better than "here".

7. Others are merely mirrors of you.
-You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you.
-You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie inside you.
-The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust.

10. You will forget all this. toinks.

by: Cherrie Carter Scott. Ph d