Bad obssesion

We all fall for the bad guy. because the bad guy is the master of lies and deception.. we can't understand one's situation unless you're exactly in that same situation. Here's the thing, my best friend is going through stuff that i could only imagine half of it. Early today, she asked me to text his stupid and soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend to tell him she'd gone miserable without him. that she was no where to be found, and that she just informed me she had thought of killing herself..of course that was just a joke. she just wanna messed with the jerks head. Before this incident, she wanted to go to stupid guy's house or his office to make a scene..this one, she'd really consider, i just convinced her to think it over. Back to the evil chauvanist pig, he was the typical pinoy babaero, he has a wife, a kid, and my best friend is her other woman. you know how it's like..my best friend knows what she's gettin herself in when she decided to have a relationship with this guy. and we all know this isnt right, but let's not judge her for that, he loved the guy, she loves him so much, that she lost everything including practical and moral reasoning for this one..she'd been through a lot with this guy, she's taken a whole lot of sacrifice for him, he wanted her to build her world around him, he feeds her with lies and promises even when he knows he can't keep it..he's one controlling, immature, selfish, 49 yr old sex freak. he's an ass, and i never liked him. when he gets mad, he would say a lot of foul and hurtful things to my best friend, and at one point she admitted how he had hit her..they've broken up and then gotten back so many times already..and this wasn't the only time that i told her to quit it, and move on with her life. She's just blinded by this relationship that she's being all stupid. i can't blame her,as much as i want to hit her head with a bat or something hard so she could start using her brains and dump the asshat already. she's pragmatic. and her heart is just as stubborn as always..so being the best friend that i always was, i've been her shock absorber, her therapist, her shoulder to cry on since day one..but as it turns out, im not doing very good at it.. i'm not doing the right thing anymore..i, myself is just tolerating this behavior. i know she just wants to be understood..and i get her you know, i've been there, i know how it's like, i may not be the other woman, but i know how it feels like to be mistreated and be abused verbally, emotionally and physically. but she's gotta let it go. she's gotta get out of that situation before she's all too scared to do so..but no matter what i say or do, she's just too stubborn. i don't know what else to do. As far as our friendship is concerned, i know i've always been there no matter what.. but lately, i feel like i can't tolerate this bad relationship anymore.. Besides that she's being too desperate and too crazy..and she hates me when i tell her that. but she's turning into this obsessed and emotional bitch that i can't talk her out of it..she would hate him and all, but when he 'd call her, she would forgive him and let her in her life over again. Gawd..she's gotta stop already. i know she's realizing this one too..she just wont do it. and she knows it wont be easy, and she knows how i know this because i used to be in this sickening routine in a relationship ..breaking up and going back and doing the same mistakes over and over again.. and i've been obsessed with this bad behavior. i used to go on for hours talking about my stupid ex-boyfriend and how i wanted to strangle him and beat the douche bag to death. i hated him so bad that i actually wished bad things to happen to him. and yet i couldn't stop thinking about him. i didn't know exactly when, i finally get a hold of myself, and completely let everything go. i didn't know how i did it, i guess it would just happen. i just realize one day, how stupid i had been..I remember i went through the classic phase of confusion and paranoia after the relationship was over, you know-- like feeling hate and love at the same time..holding on and letting go at the same time.. moreover waking up every morning wondering about him and wishing he'd come back..or wishing one day i'll forget everything..i go about with my everyday life being haunted by his memories despite how bad it has been.and i used to like, justify his wrong doings and make it look like whatever happened, no matter how many times he cheated and lied to me, i know he loves me..So whenever he'd call, i'd forgive him, and accept him back, thinking one day he'd change. but he aint. he wont, and i guess he'll never will. And it's funny how are minds plays tricks on ourselves.. i thought i actually felt inferior to him and that i actually blame my self because of my shortcomings..i was a mess then. my stupid head, and my stubborn heart,such a messy combination.. i remember how we ended us. which is likely the closure i was expecting, we just never talked to each other anymore.. it's harder to be left hangin'..it's confusing, and as bitter as i used to be,I vaguely remember all the other things in between. when i decided i'd never wanna see him again..i started thinking straight, and think about myself.. i didn't wanna get involved with any of his ass kinds anymore. i don't want him anymore, i couldn't love a person like that. so, i changed my number, i changed everything in my life, i moved on with my single life naturally, so to speak..but it wasn't easy.. and certainly not fun to go through..but i did it..
Being in a bad relationship is hard and going through a bad break up is twice as hard..but you gotta start to think about yourself. you gotta stop letting people treat you any less than what you really deserve. it wont be hard to let go of someone who's become the biggest part of youre life, it wont be easy to start over and it wont be easy to forget all your wounds..but i guess after a while, you'll just get over it.. and you'll eventually get passed it..you see, time heals all wounds..and i hope to God that my best friend will finally realize that she deserves better and start acting on it so she could start healing her wounds.. and for the love of all that is holy, I pray that every bad guy in this world fall a flight of stairs and die painfully and slowly. bwehehehe!

xoxoxo

What‘s the saying whose the idiot, the idiot or the idiot who dates him.

oh well.

have you ever feel like everything is against you and you can't seemed to get along with everyone, like a curse, or some force that keeps getting in the way.. i don't exactly know how to explain it, it just feels like i don't belong. i don't know if this is just the PMS talking, that i'm so friggin pissed at everyone, and i'm so friggin' sensitive and emotional, i feel like breaking down. see, i hadn't gotten my period this month, so i don't know. i just feel like i'm about to snap.. yah, something like that. You know, how people say; 'people like you are the reason people like me are being hospitalized'. ding.ding.ding. for a moment there, i really thought this is what i'm going through right now, i know, people are complicated creatures. and people are cruel, and people hurt other people, people disappoints you. So i don't have to feel guilty if i loose my cool, and go hoo haa crazy. or say hurtful things everytime other people push me to.. coz i certainly don't feel any guilt about it. Just a few days ago, i had a lot of anger inside and i don't know how to deal with that, i thought talking about it would be ok, and i really think it had been helpful on my part. But now, i don't know, no one seemed to change, nothing change not even the situation..i think it would be more effective to confront my anger on the person or people that were involved. well..i guess i should but i really don't wanna talk about it anymore. it's just exhausting, it doesn't really change anything.. the worse it could get is make my self suffer evenmore. and i don't wanna get angry anymore.. it's draining, exhausting, and just stupid. it just makes me sick and tired about everything...It's just weird sometimes, how everything seemed to be against you..and how it gets to you.. when you feel like youre the only one who feels this way, like no one seemed to understand what youre going through. and everytime you try to talk it out to someone, you end up being the bad guy.. And you ought to think some thing's gotta be wrong, i mean, yea, maybe some thing is just wrong with me.. maybe i'm just being paranoid, or just plain invisible that what ever it is i feel, doesn't matter.. because i'm like all alone against the world.. walang kakampi. I wasn't even going for that, i really don't need anyone's sympathy, i need someone who'll understand and who'll take my side, not because they feel they had to, nor for any other reason, but just because, they believed in me. But I guess that's just too much to ask for anyone. Oh well. You know what, i don't care anymore.. I get it now.. i'm just different. and maybe i'm hard to be around..And it used to always made me feel terrible about myself.. Fuck, i don't care anymore. i'd rather be all alone than try to be someone i'm not just to belong.. And i'd rather stick to what i believe in, than conform to the ways of the world. And i don't wanna think about fucking people who keeps fucking up my life, such a waste. i can't trust anyone. screw everyone. screw everyone in our house.. magsama sama kayong mga pangit. hehehe. screw everyone who hates me, i hate everyone equally. Screw all my problems... better yet, bring it on! i won't let anything get to me anymore. i'm invincible, and i kick ass. bou yah!!rawr!

dear fuckers......me so angry

*Warning: Profanity ahead.*


..i wanna meet faced to faced with this wild beast inside of me. It took me real long while to get this fucker figured out. As it turns out,i have a tendency to be emotional and irrational at once. I'm not very good in expressing myself, especially my anger.. normally, in person, you can say that i'm a hypocrite,or a tupperware, or Plastik..whatever you wanna call it, when you try to put on a smile, and pretend that everything's fine.. im just not good at confrontations. heck, i'm not very good at facing or handling problems, when im angry inside, i would usually just try to ignore it or brushed it aside..so by suppressing things inside, i harbor heavier feelings that is usually followed by a heavier sigh. it would look like i was trying hard to be patient, or tolerating when i'm really not.. So when i've had too much, i just snap.. i know it's not healthy to keep bad feelings inside, that's why im thankful for the internet and the blog gods for the space which i could get this anger off my chest.. i've already realized as a grown up that i haven't really grown much..because i still don't know how to face or handle my own problems..im not very good in dealing with life's challenges..life screws me all the time. And people do have a way of screwing you overtime..and the fact that im such a screw up, i really don't have to deal with mother fuckers who is constantly making me feel less of a person than i already am. So screw ye all if you find me insignificant like a mean little twerp that im gonna be...but i'm so over trying to please everyone.. im-a get this off my chest for fuck sakes.. So.. yea, i hate my world. I personally don't like what's happening around my world. I hate my life. and the fuckers in my life. i hate that i am single and unemployed. technically, because doing part-time slave work for my fucker friends doesn't really count as a real stable job. God knows i've had too much of kissin asses and abusive talks behind my back. and having a boyfriend who lacks the ability to provide for my needs except maybe for the occasional mindblowing sex--i sure can't complain, still, i've got one unhappy and unfulfilled screw-you-over written all over my forehead.. but i don't completely hate this fuckers..at least not personally, i think i've had enough to deal with,with my own self,that i couldn't stand to be around another royal pain..i particularly cant stand those selfish, insensitive, manipulative and abusive fuckers.. and it makes me angry that i couldn't do or say anything about it..the world is full of this kind of fuckers that i'd rather just wanna shoot myself dead, These Fuckers who borrows money and for lack of better memory forgotten to pay you back. Fuckers who remembers you when trouble calls for it, and when they needed you for whatever use they could get. but when you're in need of one, suddenly every other fuckers seemed to have a million things going on..Fuck that. and if youre this lucky, there are always motha fuckers who will lie to your face just to get what they want, and fuckers who will step on you, acting like bigger fuckheads, like they are better than anyone. Well..Fuck you. Grow the fuck up you stupid fucking fucker.. treating other people like they're small won't make your dick bigger..And why do i put up with this fuck heads? i honestly didn't have to..but the damage is done..and there's no escaping the fact that i got screwed over by people closest to me..and i swear to God i wouldn't let another fucking fucker fuck me over ever again.. fuck you all back! i have enough to carry around beside my own fucked up personality..including all the fuckers in the house. see, my mom seem to have this i-dont-mind-being-screwed-so-screw-me-really-hard written on her forehead..and i don't get her sometimes. maybe because she just have a gigantic heart, and mine is broken to pieces. My mom is so kind, so understanding, that even if people are abusing her, manipulating and using her, she's capable of letting it go. she would do and give everything to almost anyone who would ask for anything..most especially with her brothers and sisters..and sometimes i hate her for that.. how more stupid does she need to get before she'l realize that these suckers will never change. you know how people say, 'if only we can choose our relatives'?..Fuck,i would.. If only i could.. demmit..Arghh.. but i guess if you look at the bright side, it's really not that bad..at least, i didn't have to be around these suckers everyday..and when you think you had the worst, well, there's my sister, who lives with me and who is a royal pain. and i deal with her stubborn ass every fuckin day..not to mention two of my cousins who were the two-faced backstabbing useless motha fuckers ever..(also lives with me btw.) and an overly dramatic old fart who is btw, my grandmother..the royal of all royal pains..These are pretty much the mother fuckers who's fucking my life up every fuckin day..So,Fuck you all back! there!! i'm sure getting it off my chest will make things feel lighter. if it would make them perkier i would tell everyone all of my secrets..but that's enough for now..
today, i hate my life.. i hate the world.. so now, i'm the bad guy huh? well..sue me!!!