Wednesday, January 30, 2008

on soulmates...owwwwwww!

A friend describes a true soul mate as a "mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. (He) is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls, and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. They come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave."

Thursday, January 24, 2008


You ever wake up from a really good dream, try to get back to sleep? Or you got the flu, and

you promise yourself that you’ll appreciate normal so much more if you could just get back

to it? That’s the way I feel. I just want things to go back to the way they were."

wanna know what sucks?

  • When you wanna ask one simple question but your heart is too scared of the answer.
  • when you keep on waiting when the one youre waiting for isn't aware that youre waiting.
  • when youre working so hard but someone else gets all the credit.
  • when the person you hate the most is getting everything you want.
  • when the day seemed so long, and youre all tired and overused, you want to take a break but you gotta keep going coz that's just what youre supposed to do.
  • when youre not really doin very much or not doing anything at all.
  • when you wanna start over a new but you couldn't figure out how.
  • when you wanna forget the past but you can't give up the memories.
  • when there's someone you want, but he/she is emotionally unavailable for you.
  • when you want to sleep but youre mind just couldn't stop thinking.
  • when you wanna step up and go forward but youre stuck in reverse.
  • when you cry oceans of tears but the world isn't bothered a bit coz the world just doesn't give a damn.
  • when you had to give up everything so you can make someone else happy.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Today I had a thought

What if I... what if I had never met you?

Sunday, January 13, 2008

so this is life.. before is gone..

So--how's it going?it stinks.

it's kinda annoying when someone who've hurt you a lot is actually doing good in life. yea, maybe some things didn't work out for a good reason. but still, seeing someone you hate happy when at the same moment, youre not, kinda sucks. i'm losing it.. i just can't help myself.

i supposed i was hurt. but i'm proud of you. i wish i could tell you that.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Transcendental Vegetation

"sighs".. goodbye 2007, hello 2008..started the week with me and my lazy fat ass on the couch.. sighs..again...argh!it has been 4 days of doing nothing. i mean, in a semi-standard living, being all jobless and broke..i've been eating my way thru the day...leftover gellOs, medyo may asim na nga lang..eww..i've been practically robbing our fridge with anything i can eat..leftover cheese, and the last slice of graham cake my sister was saving for a friend..sorry's all gone. whehehe. i feel heavy and lazy, and i'm just bored stiff. i've surf the net for things to do and i ended here with this post.. going typeless obviously, and for boredom sakes, grab your popcorn, sit back and watch these movies:

I am legend:
wOot! woOT!
The film opens with Will Smith as the Last Man on Earth tearing around the vacant streets of Manhattan in a red Mustang, his trusty dog, Sam, by his side in the front seat, Chewbacca-style. Right! hahaha,
Will Smith plays (as far as his character knows) the last man on earth, our hero, Robert Neville, a sole survivor of a world dominating virus created by man, that initially takes out 588 million people in 2009, and was originally created to somehow cure cancer. In 2012, Neville (a former scientist) dedicates his life to surviving for the sake of the human race, since he's somehow immune to the virus and those who have been infected, and attempts to find a cure. In order to find a cure, he seeks out the infected beings at night, who seem to have completely forgotten how to act human, their instincts and survival skills have become non-existent, and either takes them out to survive, or in some cases, drags them to his underground lab for research purposes, in hopes of correcting humankind's mistake.


Based on the short Stephen King horror story of the same name, 1408 is about supernatural writer Mike Enslin, an author of two successful books on supernatural phenomena. As research for his latest book, Enslin is determined to check out the notorious room 1408 in a New York City hotel by personally staying as a guest in the fabled room. He believes that 1408 is just a myth perpetuated by stories and rumors that Enslin has collected for his past works. However, hotel manager Mr. Olin has strong objections to Enslin's stay and only warns him of possible danger to come. Enslin is determined to go anyway. But what Mike Enslin is about to experience is no myth, as 1408 truly is a room where the guests don't check out by noon.

Wedding Daze

Wedding Daze, the hilarious new comedy which stars household comedy actor Jason Biggs (American Pie) and Australia's newest female export Isla Fisher.
After losing the woman of his dreams, Anderson (Biggs) is convinced he'll never fall in love again. But at the urging of his best friend, he spontaneously proposes to a dissatisfied waitress named Katie (Fisher) and an innocent dare evolves into the kind of love that both have been looking for all along.


A rat named Remy dreams of becoming a great French chef despite his family's wishes and the obvious problem of being a rat in a decidedly rodent-phobic profession. When fate places Remy in the sewers of Paris, he finds himself ideally situated beneath a restaurant made famous by his culinary hero, Auguste Gusteau. Despite the apparent dangers of being an unlikely - and certainly unwanted - visitor in the kitchen of a fine French restaurant, Remy's passion for cooking soon sets into motion a hilarious and exciting rat race that turns the culinary world of Paris upside down.

...ok po yung mga movies na will be worth your while.. I've also finished watching the entire season 2 of Heroes and season 4 of entourage..wala eh, sadyang walang magawa..hehe.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Tuesday, January 1, 2008


ALL YeAr RoUnd
Give thanks
Count your blessings
Remember thy savior
The sacrifices he made.

Last night, i joined my friends to church, and i was grateful i did, because the new year's gospel made a deal of an impact in my life, or at least i think it would this year. Im not really familiar with the word of God but the gospel taught me how to be grateful for my life and for everything else. The past few months, has been a seemed that i had spent most of my days, just passing moments, dwelling on bad things, whining about my problems and being angry all the time. Most of the things in my life, apparently, i had taken for's funny how most of us realizes the importance of what we've got until it was gone. but all is good. at least from now on, because no matter what happens, i truly believe now, that God has a purpose for everything..Sometimes when things seemed to go wrong with our lives, we sink and sink fast..Our hearts gets easily discouraged, and our spirits gets lost in darkness. I had been in such a state, and the entire time, i succumb in fear, the fear of the unknown..what ever lies ahead. And it can get pretty depressing.. And i go about my everyday life, without knowing why and what. i was mostly confused. But after last night, everythings attitude towards life is now different from what has been.. i'm just thankful for everything..whatever happened last year,good and bad.. God has a purpose.. and i may not know it now, but one day he'll reveal His purpose for my life..So to end this post, instead of doing a new year's resolution list, i made a list of what i was thankful for in 2007.

*I'm thankful to God..for:

- 2007, for the year that was, adding up to my living years, im just thankful im still here. alive and kickin.
- my mom, for working overseas. For financial support and for being away for over 20 years..because it taught me to take responsibility for myself, my sis, and our house.
- my sister, for having her stubborn ass around, it taught me to be patient,and it taught me to know just how much i can tolerate.
- my bestfriend, for the years of friendship, for the love and care, for the misunderstandings and petty quarrels, for the ups and downs,and for the person that she really was, or is. it taught me to dream, to hope, to understand, to listen, to reach out, to lend a hand, to become a true friend.
- the friends that come and go, for those who have stayed.. for those who leave, for those who lies, who cheats, who manipulates, who betrays, who deceives, for the friendship that was lost, and the ones reborn,and the new found friends..I thank God for all that, because, it taught me to forgive, to be more accepting, to be wise, to be reliable, to be humble, to be grateful, to depend on my own.
- my lalab, for the love and care, for his patience,and his friendship. for making me laugh, for the sweet little things, for making me cry, for the stupid things he has said and done, for his strength and his weaknesses, his best and his worst self, I thank God for giving me such a royal pain boyfriend..because it taught me to love, to be patient, to be more forgiving, to be more accepting, to be more understanding, to be happy, to wait, to give a chance, to be self-less, to care, to continue loving.
- summer, rainy days, the sun, flowers, plants, water, shelter, clothing, food, my dogs, my neighborhood, the malls, stylish shoes, expensive make ups, chocolates, beer, music, tv shows, movies, sports, cellphones, computer, internet, pictures,and books..raket. I thank God for all these things..for all the feel-good-feelings it brings.. like being excited, happy, easy, convenient, eager,and just good..even with the simplest things.
- silence, peace, serenity, love, kindness, compassion, and laughter..I thank the Lord for all these..because it made me know what a good life is.
- dirt, noise, mess, stress, pressure, problems, hard life, mistakes, heartaches, pains, wounds, despair, sorrow, emptiness, even hate..hakuna taught me to believe in God, to be faithful and be hopeful, to be artistic and passionate, to try and do the right things, to be forgiving of myself, and of others, to feel relieved, to heal, to love, to feel joy, to grow up, to build myself up.

if we 'd all take a closer look with each of our lives, we'll find a reason for everything..and we may not understand it now, or we may not like it, and we may not be able to see the good side of every bad things that's happening at the moment, but sooner or later when God reveals his purpose, you'll know that the Lord is Good in every way.. God bless!


New Year

New Year - Glitter Graphics

Glitter Graphics for Hi5, Orkut, Myspace, Friendster

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Bad obssesion

We all fall for the bad guy. because the bad guy is the master of lies and deception.. we can't understand one's situation unless you're exactly in that same situation. Here's the thing, my best friend is going through stuff that i could only imagine half of it. Early today, she asked me to text his stupid and soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend to tell him she'd gone miserable without him. that she was no where to be found, and that she just informed me she had thought of killing herself..of course that was just a joke. she just wanna messed with the jerks head. Before this incident, she wanted to go to stupid guy's house or his office to make a scene..this one, she'd really consider, i just convinced her to think it over. Back to the evil chauvanist pig, he was the typical pinoy babaero, he has a wife, a kid, and my best friend is her other woman. you know how it's best friend knows what she's gettin herself in when she decided to have a relationship with this guy. and we all know this isnt right, but let's not judge her for that, he loved the guy, she loves him so much, that she lost everything including practical and moral reasoning for this one..she'd been through a lot with this guy, she's taken a whole lot of sacrifice for him, he wanted her to build her world around him, he feeds her with lies and promises even when he knows he can't keep it..he's one controlling, immature, selfish, 49 yr old sex freak. he's an ass, and i never liked him. when he gets mad, he would say a lot of foul and hurtful things to my best friend, and at one point she admitted how he had hit her..they've broken up and then gotten back so many times already..and this wasn't the only time that i told her to quit it, and move on with her life. She's just blinded by this relationship that she's being all stupid. i can't blame her,as much as i want to hit her head with a bat or something hard so she could start using her brains and dump the asshat already. she's pragmatic. and her heart is just as stubborn as being the best friend that i always was, i've been her shock absorber, her therapist, her shoulder to cry on since day one..but as it turns out, im not doing very good at it.. i'm not doing the right thing anymore..i, myself is just tolerating this behavior. i know she just wants to be understood..and i get her you know, i've been there, i know how it's like, i may not be the other woman, but i know how it feels like to be mistreated and be abused verbally, emotionally and physically. but she's gotta let it go. she's gotta get out of that situation before she's all too scared to do so..but no matter what i say or do, she's just too stubborn. i don't know what else to do. As far as our friendship is concerned, i know i've always been there no matter what.. but lately, i feel like i can't tolerate this bad relationship anymore.. Besides that she's being too desperate and too crazy..and she hates me when i tell her that. but she's turning into this obsessed and emotional bitch that i can't talk her out of it..she would hate him and all, but when he 'd call her, she would forgive him and let her in her life over again. Gawd..she's gotta stop already. i know she's realizing this one too..she just wont do it. and she knows it wont be easy, and she knows how i know this because i used to be in this sickening routine in a relationship ..breaking up and going back and doing the same mistakes over and over again.. and i've been obsessed with this bad behavior. i used to go on for hours talking about my stupid ex-boyfriend and how i wanted to strangle him and beat the douche bag to death. i hated him so bad that i actually wished bad things to happen to him. and yet i couldn't stop thinking about him. i didn't know exactly when, i finally get a hold of myself, and completely let everything go. i didn't know how i did it, i guess it would just happen. i just realize one day, how stupid i had been..I remember i went through the classic phase of confusion and paranoia after the relationship was over, you know-- like feeling hate and love at the same time..holding on and letting go at the same time.. moreover waking up every morning wondering about him and wishing he'd come back..or wishing one day i'll forget everything..i go about with my everyday life being haunted by his memories despite how bad it has been.and i used to like, justify his wrong doings and make it look like whatever happened, no matter how many times he cheated and lied to me, i know he loves me..So whenever he'd call, i'd forgive him, and accept him back, thinking one day he'd change. but he aint. he wont, and i guess he'll never will. And it's funny how are minds plays tricks on ourselves.. i thought i actually felt inferior to him and that i actually blame my self because of my shortcomings..i was a mess then. my stupid head, and my stubborn heart,such a messy combination.. i remember how we ended us. which is likely the closure i was expecting, we just never talked to each other anymore.. it's harder to be left hangin''s confusing, and as bitter as i used to be,I vaguely remember all the other things in between. when i decided i'd never wanna see him again..i started thinking straight, and think about myself.. i didn't wanna get involved with any of his ass kinds anymore. i don't want him anymore, i couldn't love a person like that. so, i changed my number, i changed everything in my life, i moved on with my single life naturally, so to speak..but it wasn't easy.. and certainly not fun to go through..but i did it..
Being in a bad relationship is hard and going through a bad break up is twice as hard..but you gotta start to think about yourself. you gotta stop letting people treat you any less than what you really deserve. it wont be hard to let go of someone who's become the biggest part of youre life, it wont be easy to start over and it wont be easy to forget all your wounds..but i guess after a while, you'll just get over it.. and you'll eventually get passed see, time heals all wounds..and i hope to God that my best friend will finally realize that she deserves better and start acting on it so she could start healing her wounds.. and for the love of all that is holy, I pray that every bad guy in this world fall a flight of stairs and die painfully and slowly. bwehehehe!

What‘s the saying whose the idiot, the idiot or the idiot who dates him.


Life is funny sometimes and it can push you pretty when you fall in love with someone and they forget to love you back..

Sometimes, i wonder, just how much a person can take and how much one heart can take. It's almost the end of the year,and as it turns out, life can push you pretty hard. this year has been a real struggle. like being lost some place and all you got is your stinking self, a crazy headache, an empty stomach and an empty pocket. And just as you thought you're at your worst, when suddenly you got hit by a bus, so bad, you went on a coma for months,and when you decided you still wanna live, you wake up, with one leg, one arm, and a deformed face. do you supposed to go on with life this way? that's tough. and as much as you want to feel sorry for yourself, when you thought that's the worst that could happen? then you realized, like, got no health insurance, and youre medical bills along with all the other bills are piling up..Oh darn Jesus..what now? oh well..what else can i say? but life is hard. and yea, maybe i was just making this things up, but it's not that far fetched that bad things seemed to have a way around. And sometimes, when you've got so much of this bad things going on, you're more prone to lose yourself in a way, because there's a lot of ugly feelings going on as much as you just wanna take it all in..And when you lose your way, you'll think that life is pushing you and pushing you so hard off the edge that you become the worst person that you are. I used to believed that my life sucks and because i think that it is, i found an excuse to be my worst self. but i know now, that this realization is kind of silly.. like i only drag my self deeper on this worst situation instead of trying to get myself out of it. it has never been easy for me to accept that i was doing everything wrong for the past God knows how many years because of this thinking. this year, just like last year and the year before that, and going back as far as i can remember.. life seemed to only get harder each year. This maybe true, but i know it's not fair to say that life is all that bad.. if it was, i really really thought that it wasn't entirely my own doing. And i realized how childish i must've been for not owning in to it. but it just seemed important that bad things has to happen to figure it out.. Now, i think that life is supposed to hurt a it was designed that people go through some of that pain, a little disappointments, a little mistake to find themselves. i've always been hopeful that somewhere between all my struggles, i'll find my way. there's gotta be something good that comes out of it..right? otherwise it's all meaningless...
And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be...or lose that person completely.
Because, sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been. And remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you really are.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Mele kelikimaka to y'all!

The Christmas Story St. Luke 2: 1 – 14

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed.

(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David)

To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them at the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them; and they were sore afraid.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not; for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace,
good will toward men

Thursday, December 20, 2007

i believe i can fly.

.....rather jump! wehehe.

Panis si David Blaine sa levitation trick namen..oha. oha. Panis!!! hehehe.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Third Eye

Sigurado raw na mararamdaman mo kapag may multong malapit sa iyo. Tatayo ang balahibo sa batok mo... Biglang lalamig ang paligid... Iikot ang tiyan mo... Para kang biglang may kasama. May mararamdaman ka sa paligid mo kahit alam mong ikaw lang mag-isa.

Bata pa lang ako, matatakutin na ako. Takot ako sa dilim, humihina ako kapag mag-isa. Hindi ko rin kayang manood ng mga nakakatakot na palabas sa TV (gaya ng taunang November 1 special ng magandang gabi bayan), Ang palagay ko, bakit mo pagdaraanin ang sarili mo sa nakapanlalambot na hilakbot? Mas lalong ayokong makakita, o makaramdam, o makaengkwentro ng multo. Hindi ko yata kakayanin. Baka himatayin ako sa takot. ako lang talaga 'yun--- kulang sa tapang, liglig ng nerbiyos.

Hindi ko naiwan sa pagkabata ang takot ko sa dilim, at sa multo. Sa paglaki ko, nadagdagan pa nga ang mga takot ko--- tumaba, magka-cancer, bumagsak sa mga klase ko, at marami pang iba. Pero higit sa lahat ng mga ito, ang magmahal at masaktan. Natuklasan ko na hindi gaya ng takot ko sa mga multong ni hindi ko nga alam kung gawa sa hamog, o sa usok, o basta gawa lang ng imahinasyon ko--- mas nakapanghihina, mas nakapanghihilakbot pala ang magmahal at masaktan. Naranasan ko na iyon. Ang magmahal, mawalan, at halos mabaliw sa sakit. Nang mawala ka sa 'kin. para akong sira-ulong ayaw maniwala at ayaw tumanggap, parang praning na ipinipilit sa sariling "babalik siya.... babalik siya."

May mga namamatayan ng kapamilya o kaibigan na sa tindi ng pangungulila, hinihiling nila na magmulto ang namayapa na. Hindi na mahalaga kung kahibangan ito--- mabigyan lang ng kahit isa pang pagkakataon na makausap o masilayan man lang ang mahal sa buhay na inagaw na ng kamatayan.

Nang nawala ka, handa akong ibigay ang lahat, ang kahit ano, bumalik ka lang kahit sandali. Kahit sa anong paraan. kahit isang maikling text lang, o e-mail, o friendster message. Maramdaman ko lang na kahit tapos na ang lahat, mahalaga pa rin ako sa iyo. Pero walang dumating. Ni hindi ka man lang nagparamdam. Kahit na parang ritwal ko nang tinatawag ang pangalan mo gabi-gabi, wala. Wala ka na talaga. Naging mas madali nga ang pagtanggap sa pumanaw nating pagkakataon, pero kasabay nito, mas naging mapait naman ang aking pag-aayuno.

Tuloy ang buhay. Kailangan e. Natuto akong magmahal ng iba at unti-unti ring nawala ang lungkot. Naniniwala rin naman akong mayroon akong karapatang maging masaya, at mas gusto kong ngumiti kaysa umiyak. Nariyan naman ang ala-ala mo, nariyan ang pag-ibig na kahit kailan ay hindi ko na maibibigay sa iba bukod sa iyo. Pero sabi nga ng idol kong si Sharon Cuneta, "once you love someone, you never stop loving them. you just love them in newer ways." (mula sa "kung ako na lang sana"). Habang nagmamahal ako ng bagong pag-ibig, patuloy pa rin kitang minamahal. Alam ko iyan. Naroon na rin siguro ang kaalamang dahil patay na nga ang panahon natin sa paningin ni kupido, hindi ko na kailangan buhayin pa ang sakit. Tanggap ko na. Paminsan minsan nga, dinadalaw pa ng diwa ko ang mga nakakalat na lapida ng ating nakaraan. Kapag nakakarating ako sa mga lugar na noo'y nakasama kita, kapag naririnig ko ang mga awit na pinili ko para sa 'ting dalawa--- para na rin akong nagtitirik ng kandila at nag-aalay ng bulaklak sa ala-ala mo.

Hanggang sa nagmulto ka. Pakshit.

Ang sabi nila, hindi tumatawid sa kabilang buhay ang mga espiritung may mga hindi pa tapos na misyon sa mundong ito. Pakiramdam nila, may mga transaksyon pa sila sa kanilang buhay na kailangang isara at maisakatuparan. Ang iba nga raw, hindi pa tanggap na patay na sila kaya ayaw pa umalis. palutang-lutang sila, patuloy ang "buhay", ginagawa pa rin ang mga pinagkakaabalahan nila noon. Ang iba naman, sadyang naghahasik ng takot at pangamba. Sadyang gustong makarinig ng mga tili at makakita ng nasindak na mga mukha habang nagsasabog sila ng lagim.

Simpleng text lang, umikot ang mundo ko. Hindi ko alam kung magdiriwang ako o manlulumo. Nakakatuwang nakakatakot e. Sa tagal ng panahon na hinintay kong maramdaman ka, hanggang sa nalimutan ko na nga kung bakit, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang reaksyon ko. Pero, napatunayan ko noon na totoo pala: kapag minulto ka, tatayo ang balahibo sa batok mo, manlalamig ka, iikot ang tiyan mo, at sigurado ka sa presensiya ng multo sa paligid mo. "Nabuhay" kang muli sa mundo ko. Lagi ka na namang nariyan sa haraya ko. Pa’no, dumalas ka mag-text, tumatawag ka pa, paminsan minsan nagkakape pa tayo’t tumatawa habang nilulunod ang ating mga sarili sa venti mocha frap with mint syrup. Matagal na panahon akong nangulila sa iyo, kaya ang saya saya saya ko sa tuwing nariyan ka. Kahit paminsan-minsan. Kahit paunti-unti. Dahil nga mahal naman kita, tinanggap ko ang pagmumulto mo. Sabi ko, wala naman sigurong masama, pakiramdam ko pa nga ang tapang ko. Hinayaan ko nang bukas ang third eye ng puso ko. Lubos na sana ang magiging kasiyahan ko kung tuluyan ang iyong pagbabalik... pero lagi ka rin namang nawawala. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ginagawa niyong mga multo iyon, parang gustong gusto niyong nagpaparamdam, manggugulat, tapos mawawala naman. Hindi ka naman nagtatagal sa mga dahilang ikaw lang ang nakaaalam. Noong simula hinihintay pa kita lagi, pero nakakapagod rin. Mahirap pala 'yun. Mahirap pala magmahal ng kaluluwa--- hindi kita mahawakan, hindi kita mayakap, hindi kita mahalikan. Malamig na hangin na lang ba talaga ang magiging katumbas ng pag-ibig ko?

Para sa mga taong may kakayahang makakita ng mga espiritu at ibang nilalang, wala raw ibang mas maiging gawin kundi tanggapin ito. Sumpa man o biyaya, hindi na mahalaga. May dahilan lahat ng bagay sa mundo. Baka nga paraan na rin ng Diyos na buksan ang ikatlong mata't ikaanim na pandama ng ilang tao sa mundo... mabigyan man lamang ng pagkakataon ang mga alagad ng kabilang buhay na marinig at maintindihan.

Mahal pa rin kita. Pakiramdam ko, alam mo naman iyon e, kaya ka nga matapang magmulto. Pero magkaiba na tayo ng mundo, marami nang nagbago. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangan mong magparamdam gayong wala ka na rin namang kayang gawin na paraan upang tuluyang magbalik, upang muling mabuhay sa mundo ko. Nang-aasar ka lang ba talaga sa pagdalaw mo? Kung hindi, ano ba ang "unfinished business" mo? Ano bang maitutulong ko? Sapat na ba sa iyo ang ganito--- ang mahalin natin ang isa't isa sa magkabilang mundo, sa magkaibang paraan? Iyon lang kasi ang maibibigay ko. At alam ko... hanggang du'n lang rin ang kaya mo. Patuloy na tatakbo ang buhay ko. At sa tuwing mumultuhin mo ako, ngingiti na lang ako. Oo, tatayo pa rin ang mga balahibo ko sa batok, manlalamig at iikot pa rin ang tiyan ko... Pero hindi na ako matatakot.

Hindi ka totoo.


Monday, December 17, 2007

Go baguio! phone pics.

;)here's some pretty cool shots from my phone.

@ minesview.. coolness huh? ---->>

@ burnham park.

lighting is a little off.
we were like paddling all over each other racing our way to sm baguio wehehehe. on the other side.

the view from hotel veniz...>>>

para lang kame nasa u.S? lockheed: Grand Canyon?? hehehe.

i love this shot....

Say goodbye to stress..hello relak-relak

Techniques on how to relax:

  • Pick a personal focus word, sound, prayer or personal phrase. for example, "peace" "one" or "the Lord is my shepherd."
  • Sit comfortably in a quiet place.
  • Close your eyes.
  • Progressively relax muscles from feet to neck.
  • Breathe slowly and naturally, and as you do, say your focus word, sound, phrase, or prayer silently to yourself as you exhale.
  • Assume a passive attitude and don't worry about how well you're doing. When other thoughts come to mind, simply say to yourself, "oh, well." and gently return to your repetition.
  • Continue for 10 to 20 minutes. Time yourself by peeking occasionally at a watch or clock.
  • When you are finished, continue sitting quietly for a minute or so, gradually allowing other thoughts to return. Then open your eyes and sit for another minute before rising.
  • Practice the technique once or twice daily. Good times to do so are before breakfast and before dinner.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

oh well.

have you ever feel like everything is against you and you can't seemed to get along with everyone, like a curse, or some force that keeps getting in the way.. i don't exactly know how to explain it, it just feels like i don't belong. i don't know if this is just the PMS talking, that i'm so friggin pissed at everyone, and i'm so friggin' sensitive and emotional, i feel like breaking down. see, i hadn't gotten my period this month, so i don't know. i just feel like i'm about to snap.. yah, something like that. You know, how people say; 'people like you are the reason people like me are being hospitalized'. ding.ding.ding. for a moment there, i really thought this is what i'm going through right now, i know, people are complicated creatures. and people are cruel, and people hurt other people, people disappoints you. So i don't have to feel guilty if i loose my cool, and go hoo haa crazy. or say hurtful things everytime other people push me to.. coz i certainly don't feel any guilt about it. Just a few days ago, i had a lot of anger inside and i don't know how to deal with that, i thought talking about it would be ok, and i really think it had been helpful on my part. But now, i don't know, no one seemed to change, nothing change not even the situation..i think it would be more effective to confront my anger on the person or people that were involved. well..i guess i should but i really don't wanna talk about it anymore. it's just exhausting, it doesn't really change anything.. the worse it could get is make my self suffer evenmore. and i don't wanna get angry anymore.. it's draining, exhausting, and just stupid. it just makes me sick and tired about everything...It's just weird sometimes, how everything seemed to be against you..and how it gets to you.. when you feel like youre the only one who feels this way, like no one seemed to understand what youre going through. and everytime you try to talk it out to someone, you end up being the bad guy.. And you ought to think some thing's gotta be wrong, i mean, yea, maybe some thing is just wrong with me.. maybe i'm just being paranoid, or just plain invisible that what ever it is i feel, doesn't matter.. because i'm like all alone against the world.. walang kakampi. I wasn't even going for that, i really don't need anyone's sympathy, i need someone who'll understand and who'll take my side, not because they feel they had to, nor for any other reason, but just because, they believed in me. But I guess that's just too much to ask for anyone. Oh well. You know what, i don't care anymore.. I get it now.. i'm just different. and maybe i'm hard to be around..And it used to always made me feel terrible about myself.. Fuck, i don't care anymore. i'd rather be all alone than try to be someone i'm not just to belong.. And i'd rather stick to what i believe in, than conform to the ways of the world. And i don't wanna think about fucking people who keeps fucking up my life, such a waste. i can't trust anyone. screw everyone. screw everyone in our house.. magsama sama kayong mga pangit. hehehe. screw everyone who hates me, i hate everyone equally. Screw all my problems... better yet, bring it on! i won't let anything get to me anymore. i'm invincible, and i kick ass. bou yah!!rawr!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Go Baguio!

helloOo.... welcome back to my life.

I just got back from Baguio City.. that's right, the city of pines and the place for best buys of ukay ukays.. i've got lots to tell about the trip, i so loOve the city..and i hate that i'm back in manila already..ugh.. Ang ineeettt lang dito!!! i miss the sunny weather and the cold fresh air of Baguio..Azar, sobrang nakakabitin, two days lang kame nakapagstay dun.. super tight kase ng schedule ng event namen for MJ. We drove off monday night, malupet din si kuya driver..hataw eh, it took us about 4 hours lang to get there. We arrived at hotel veniz early dawn. Tulog konti, woke up early tuesday morning, had buffet breakfast at the hotel, then went sight seeing. Sobrang rush lang everything.. gahol kase sa oras lalo na nung nag-ukay kame, di na ko mashado nakaikot, kase may event pa kame sa gabi..but it was all good, didn't have enough cash din naman to indulge myself of such cheap thrills. kahet sobrang tawad pa, la talaga ko kadatungan..AzAr! Anyway.. 4pm, we went back to the hotel, the PA's went straight to the function room to do the set up for our event in the evening while us, the girls, went to our room to freshen up.. i got called earlier than the usual kase sobrang aga din dumating yung mga participants.. The event went well. i suppose. We finished up early, so we still have the rest of the evening to go out. Super madali din kame mahabol yung night market, but it was already pass ten, so para lang kameng gagong nagiikot sa session road. I love it though, para kameng nasa time square, everything was so lively and noisy and the city seemed busy that night..the weather is so cold, we were all suited with scarfs and stuff..oha! taray!! hehehe. then we went to Giligans to hang out. some of the boys had other plans of a night out.. As usual.. dun sila sa aliwan..hhahaha.. anyhow.. saya din nung gabi namen.. just hanging out, pigging out and drinking the night away.. kaso sobrang nasanay yata kame sa kakamadali, sobrang bilis din namen uminom..habol parin ng oras para makatulog coz we were supposed to leave early for Bulacan.. but we were all friggin' biten pa sa we just decided na lang sa hotel pagpatuloy ang session..we dropped by the liquor store, bought a bottle of goldschlager..and the rest is history..wehehehe...

oh well....i had so much fun during our stay, super.. walang ka-stress stress.. Saya lang.. Super saya sa Baguio!!! i didn't have the pics uploaded yet but i promise to post 'em soon...abangan nalang.. ahihi.